Discoveries to Date Concerning the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier

As many of you have seen in my previous post or on Instagram, Gooch Hall is home to the what has become known as the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier.  Today, I will attempt to disclose everything that we have discovered about this mysterious machine, so far.

The origins of the beast are unknown.  It is labeled as the "HP C4780," but it has become clear that this is no ordinary hunk of plastic.  Curiosity is in my nature, so in hopes of shedding some light on the shady device, I turned to Google.  A few searches involving key words such as "infamous" and "miraculous" in conjunction with the model number turned up nothing that matches the phenomenon that we have witnessed at work again and again in Gooch 206, so I'm proud to say with confidence that our hall is the first to encounter this gift to the printing world.  As such, I've taken it upon myself to document what we know, think we know, and plan to do concerning the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier.

To try and unravel this mystery, I've compiled a list of things that we know for a fact about this unique printer:
It has a strange and inexplicable affinity for Ramen Noodles.

It doesn't copy EXCLUSIVELY in three dimensions.

It's somewhat unpredictable.

And, as a scientist, it is my duty to draw inferences from these clues, so here's a list of things that we're confident are true:
HP didn't do this on their own-- they had help.
It devours small game and the elderly while we're away at classes.
It can't be trusted.

Though I'm sure you're beginning to see it, already, I'll paint you the big picture that has become clear to my hallmates and me.  It began in the United States in the 1920's, when prohibition drove alcohol-related crimes to an all-time high.  Think for a moment about the implications of a copier that can produce mass quantities of illegal substances at the touch of a button.  It appears as though the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier was used by a liquor tycoon, who, because of the machine, was able to keep his entire stock in a small suitcase.  Now, this kind of business, as anyone who has seen an episode of Breaking Bad knows, can't last, so eventually this businessman was able to retire his profession and his printer and live an ordinary life around the mid 1940's, when the rest of the world was distracted by the second World War.  This part of the copier's history is still a little bit fuzzy to me, but sometime between D-Day and move-in day at the College of William and Mary, the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier was mistakenly recovered and sold to Thor, and unsuspecting college student, as the HP C4780 that its original owner (and probably inventor) had disguised it as.

That's about all I can say with any kind of confidence about the history of this device, but as we learn more and more about it, it's past is becoming clearer and clearer.

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