Discoveries to Date Concerning the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier

As many of you have seen in my previous post or on Instagram, Gooch Hall is home to the what has become known as the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier.  Today, I will attempt to disclose everything that we have discovered about this mysterious machine, so far.

The origins of the beast are unknown.  It is labeled as the "HP C4780," but it has become clear that this is no ordinary hunk of plastic.  Curiosity is in my nature, so in hopes of shedding some light on the shady device, I turned to Google.  A few searches involving key words such as "infamous" and "miraculous" in conjunction with the model number turned up nothing that matches the phenomenon that we have witnessed at work again and again in Gooch 206, so I'm proud to say with confidence that our hall is the first to encounter this gift to the printing world.  As such, I've taken it upon myself to document what we know, think we know, and plan to do concerning the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier.

To try and unravel this mystery, I've compiled a list of things that we know for a fact about this unique printer:
It has a strange and inexplicable affinity for Ramen Noodles.

It doesn't copy EXCLUSIVELY in three dimensions.

It's somewhat unpredictable.

And, as a scientist, it is my duty to draw inferences from these clues, so here's a list of things that we're confident are true:
HP didn't do this on their own-- they had help.
It devours small game and the elderly while we're away at classes.
It can't be trusted.

Though I'm sure you're beginning to see it, already, I'll paint you the big picture that has become clear to my hallmates and me.  It began in the United States in the 1920's, when prohibition drove alcohol-related crimes to an all-time high.  Think for a moment about the implications of a copier that can produce mass quantities of illegal substances at the touch of a button.  It appears as though the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier was used by a liquor tycoon, who, because of the machine, was able to keep his entire stock in a small suitcase.  Now, this kind of business, as anyone who has seen an episode of Breaking Bad knows, can't last, so eventually this businessman was able to retire his profession and his printer and live an ordinary life around the mid 1940's, when the rest of the world was distracted by the second World War.  This part of the copier's history is still a little bit fuzzy to me, but sometime between D-Day and move-in day at the College of William and Mary, the Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier was mistakenly recovered and sold to Thor, and unsuspecting college student, as the HP C4780 that its original owner (and probably inventor) had disguised it as.

That's about all I can say with any kind of confidence about the history of this device, but as we learn more and more about it, it's past is becoming clearer and clearer.

Also, let me know, if you want me to add your email to the weekly update list!  It goes out every Thursday.

Orientation to Present

It's been a long time since I've posted anything.  I meant to do an "Orientation Part II!" type of thing, but I obviously never got around to it, so this will cover my college experience so far, without going into the detail that you read about in my previous post.  Also, the pictures aren't related to the paragraphs they're next to this time, so I'll put some captions with them.

Dave's Birthday Party

As I've mentioned, I see this stage of my life as both an opportunity to change (or fix, rather) the way I live and a necessary rung in the ladder of my career climb.  Since orientation, I've kept up, for the most part, with eating better, sleeping more, and getting more exercise.  I joined the ultimate Frisbee team, go to the gym with my hall mates (when I'm not coughing up a lung-- I've been kind of sick lately), and eat lots of mysterious Asian dishes and subway-style sandwiches.  I'm trying to be cleaner, but that comes in spurts that arise conveniently whenever my room mate or I am expecting company.  I make flashcards, do homework, read books, and spend more time with friends than I did back home.  Overall, I live a completely different life.  Kind of.

A lot is the same.  I still send letters to Glory, wake up two minutes before my alarm, hold off on laundry for as long as possible, and plug my nose when I sneeze.  My fashion sense is still kind of wack.  My showers still take longer than they should.  I still walk on the left side of people.  Sunday mornings are still spent at church, and Friday night, staying up way too late.  

I've met a lot of new people!  Obviously.  I have friends in all of my classes, minus British Literature II (vomit), and get along well with just about everyone on my hall.  I have to give a shout out to my boys in Gooch Second Upper because they truly are like brothers to me.  All of that's not to say that my friends back home have been replaced.  I can't wait for my cousin to receive his acceptance letter.  I have to glance around from time to time at the pictures that I've taped around my dorm room of Chaddy, Glory, and my family.  And, duh, I miss everyone else too, but the point is, I'm not lonely, despite the absence of some of the most important people in my life.

The Infamous and Miraculous 3-D Copier

Church deserves its own paragraph.  I went to Grace Covenant my second week here, and I didn't dislike it.  I was a little peeved when they didn't warn us that the communion was real wine, but I guess I can say from now on that I had my first (and last) taste of alcohol in church.  I decided, though, that other churches were worth visiting and attended one called "Relevant" with my friends, Honor and Jonathan, and loved it.  The worship was amazing, and the pastor seemed very genuine.  I may visit somewhere else at some point, but for the next few weeks, that's the one I plan to attend.  For those interested, it's a pretty small group that meets in a hole in the wall next to grocery and consignment stores.  The worship consists of pretty contemporary songs to the accompaniment of a few guitars, a mandolin, and a drum set.

Freaking Thor (A phrase we use often in Gooch Second Upper)

One of my favorite things about the college so far has been the company.  To give you an illustration of the kind of people I'm surrounded by, I'll walk through last night's shenanigans.  After a day of fun with the Rogers, Pucketts, and Mrs. Cotton, I went to a diversity session with my G6 (my hall), which we followed up with celebratory ice cream cake (because that was our final extended orientation session).  Afterwards, we put on a search for a football, so we could play what I've decided to call hallball, which is exactly what you think it is: football with smaller teams in a much smaller space.  Unfortunately, not even the black people (What we've been calling roommates, Devin and Louis) didn't have one, so we did what we always do when there's nothing fun going on and played a game or two of League (don't ask to play with me-- I'm terrible).  Around 10:00, a discussion about the economy started up between a few of the guys who were chilling in Spaceman's and my room.  Four hours later, a group of about ten of us were sitting in a rough circle, voicing our opinions on politics, economics, business, ethics, sexual orientation, and religion.  The best part about these guys is that we were able to have a discussion instead of an argument; even with consersatives and liberals, trickle-down believers and government distribution advocates, opposite ends of the financial spectrum, completely different sets of values, varying sexual orientations, and atheists and believers represented, the conversation never devolved into argument.  It was purely a chance to indulge our curiosity and hear different perspectives on familiar issues.

Long story short, I miss people, but I'm not torn up, and college is going well.  If anyone's REALLY interested in the specifics of what's going on and how I'm doing, I'd be willing to start a weekly email-- just Facebook me, and if enough people care (for some reason), I'll get that going.

PS: I'm not going to proofread this, so...  There's that.